If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
