I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
