beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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