Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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