Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
