So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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