Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
