can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
