There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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