My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize