it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
