was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
