when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
