Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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