walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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