I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
