Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
