My Higher Power is John Stamos
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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