my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
