nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
