Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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