you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Semen is not good for contacts.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
