he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So. Much. Porn.
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