I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
