remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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