I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
