I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
