ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
