did you get engaged???
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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