So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
