so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize