I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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