I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
