He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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