Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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