Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
