what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize