My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
