Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
