If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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