so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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