i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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