drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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