Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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