You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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