Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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