in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
