Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
