God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
