she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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