I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
