Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
