How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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