I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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