My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
