Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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