p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
