The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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