And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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