I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
