you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
