he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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