I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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