Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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