Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
too bad you live with your parents still
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
