Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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