i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
