Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
