Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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