Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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