my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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