I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
