I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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