Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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