Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
