You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
