Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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