Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
