my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
