if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
