if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
